NATALIJA HAYTERPSYCHOTHERAPY & COUNSELLINGLoneliness is not the same as being alone. People can feel profoundly lonely in a marriage, in a busy office, surrounded by friends. It is the gap between the connection we have and the connection we need.
Why it matters
Chronic loneliness is not just painful; it has a real impact on mental and physical health, raising the risk of depression and anxiety. Yet it carries a particular shame — people feel they shouldn't be lonely, which makes it harder to speak about, which deepens it.
The hidden kind
The loneliness that surprises people is the kind felt within relationships — of not being truly known, of presenting a version of yourself that others connect with while the real you stays hidden. This often has roots in early experiences of not feeling seen.
How therapy helps
Therapy helps in two ways. It offers, in itself, an experience of being genuinely heard and understood — sometimes the first in a long time. And it explores the patterns, often protective, that keep others at a distance, so that closeness elsewhere becomes more possible. Connection can be relearned.
This article is for information and is not a substitute for professional advice or diagnosis. In an emergency call 999, NHS 111 (option 2), or the Samaritans free on 116 123.
Natalija Hayter is a BABCP-registered psychotherapist with over a decade of clinical experience across the NHS, the voluntary sector and private practice, trained at the Tavistock and AGIP. She offers CBT, psychoanalytic and relational therapy in Pimlico, London and online, in English, Latvian and Russian. More about Natalija
Last reviewed: June 2026 by Natalija Hayter, BABCP-registered psychotherapist.